IN TWEET: I DON’T WANT TO MESS WITH TEXAS BUT I DO QUESTION THE SANITY OF THESE THREE REPUBLICANS FROM THE LONE STAR STATE.
No, Rick Perry did not make the list. Top 5, maybe, but not Top 3. He’s just too easy a target and much less of a current threat than these three nut jobs. Forget about their party affiliation. I’m convinced they’re on an entirely different planet than the rest of us. Of course, they each hold an elected office so a majority of the people who turned out to vote supported their oddball platforms. That means they’re not the only inmates running the Lone Star Asylum.
TED CRUZ (U.S. SENATE)
Forget about the fact that he looks like a mash-up of Sean Hannity and one of those sad sacks you find trolling Christian Mingle looking for a Jesus lady. Ted Cruz is a Tea Party crack-pot masquerading as a guy with all of his faculties intact. He is certainly proof that just because you have an Ivy League education doesn’t mean you will legislate intelligently, rationally or coherently. Like most on the extreme Right these days, the Tedster loves to hear himself talk. His favorite three words are: “Obamacare,” “Obamacare,” and “Obamacare” (with a brief break for “Benghazi,” “Benghazi,” “Benghazi” back when that was the faux scandal of the moment for the GOP). He’s an immigrant (from Canada) who shows little real interest in fixing our broken immigration system. He’s half Cuban but you’d never know it…until he can use it to raise a buck or advance his political career. The Newtown massacre did nothing to lessen his hard-on for a semi-automatic and he is equally turned on by DOMA. What has Cruz accomplished since he hit the Senate this year? Other than blowing tons of hot air, not much. That he took the seat vacated by highly regarded vet Kay Bailey Hutchison just adds further insult to injury. Ted Cruz isn’t stupid but you’d never know it.
LOUIE GOHMERT (U.S. HOUSE)
Oh, Louie! You madcap, angry douchebag, you. Unlike Cruz, there is nothing that will convince me this guy isn’t about as sharp as a broken Ginsu. Worse yet, he’s a box of rocks who is completely convinced that he’s the smartest guy in the room. Not only does Gohmert get moist hearing himself yap, he’s also a cheerleader in the “if I just keep yelling, it must be true” wing of the GOP. Much like those Tea Party dicks who showed up at town hall meetings a few years back just to scream over everyone, Louie is all sound and fury that signifies nada. He loves his guns almost as much as he does the moment sperm meets egg and he has an uncanny ability to tie just about anything to that Righty chestnut: the erosion of Judeo-Christian values. Gohmert is a loud and proud birther and he’s virulently anti-gay. Even worse, the guy sounds like a complete doofus. A hate-spewing redneck with the speaking style of a backwoods bumpkin and the political talent of the loser in a mock-election at your local elementary school.
JODIE LAUBENBERG (TEXAS HOUSE)
Here’s a bucktooth, down home gal who makes Louie Gohmert look like Albert Einstein and Stephen Hawking…combined. She doesn’t just sound like a complete dumb-ass every time she opens her mouth, she IS a stunningly stupid person. Jodie Laubenberg is so devoid of gray matter that when she contradicts her own political stands you’re pretty sure she’s too addle-brained to even realize it. She never met a zygote she didn’t profess her devotion to and she’s a one-woman show for the dangers of AquaNet being left in the hands of the clueless. Where might you have heard the name “Jodie Laubenberg” recently? She’s the bat-crap-crazy idiot who thought rape kits were some kind of magical womb broom. Yep pardners, "In the emergency room they have what’s called rape kits, where a woman can get cleaned out.” Her words, not mine. Enough said.
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