IN TWEET: LET’S DEDICATE A NEW NATIONAL MONUMENT TO GRIDLOCK AND GOVERNMENT BY EXTORTION, COURTESY OF THE GOP.
What better way to “celebrate” the temper tantrum that is the current GOP-orchestrated shutdown of the government than immortalizing four of the key players that got us here? After all, future generations should have a striking visual reference to point to when their children ask: “Mommy and daddy, what was the Republican Party and who was responsible for killing it?”
I would suggest erecting Mount Douchemore in a gerrymandered district of the United States. Select an abandoned swath of land after the strip mining operation leaves town and fund the venture with a special tax levied on the estate of the Koch Brothers (once they kick off, of course).
The first image carved must be of Ted Cruz. After all, his ego is already massive and he’s a monumental asshole…just ask his law school compadres. People say Cruz is smart but that’s like saying a chicken with its head cut off is a fast runner. Sure it is…until it finally drops dead. Ted Cruz cares about one thing: Ted Cruz. He’s not on some damn fool idealistic crusade here. He really thinks he has a shot at being President. As scary as that prospect might be for those of us who don’t live in the Fox News Bubble, I sincerely hope the GOP hands him the nomination in 2016.
Next up: Speaker of the House John Boehner. He’s derisively referred to as John “Boner” but that incorrectly give this flaccid guy credit for having political wood. He doesn’t…even on a good day. A wet noodle has more stamina and staying power. Boehner never met a fight he didn’t run screaming from like a whiny bitch and every time one of the wackadoos from the Tea Bagger sect says “Jump, Johnny.” Boehner says “How high?” Then he cries.
The third slot on Mount Douchemore is reserved for Eric Cantor. When he isn’t looming over Boehner’s shoulder like one of those terrorists you see holding a gun to the head of a hostage in a ransom video, Eric Cantor is talking. In fact, give this colossal ass hat a microphone and he will verbally masturbate himself until everyone within earshot is sticky from the massive discharge of jerk juice. I can think of no other member of the GOP who can look as dickish as Cantor does simply by putting on his glasses and showing up.
Finally, Mount Douchemore wouldn’t be complete without the visage of the guy who runs the party: Rush “Oxycodone” Limbaugh. No offense to that little gerbil Reince Priebus, but Captain Fat Ass is the real Grand Poobah of the GOP. Every weekday, Rush anchors himself to a berth in his radio studio and spews three hours of pure comic gold. Oh, his devotees believe anything and everything he says as if it was gospel truth. Of course, the rest of us know it’s almost as big a steaming pile of bullshit as Rush is himself.
Though she didn’t make the cut for a slot on the monument, when Michelle Bachmann isn’t needed on the mothership, she will be the Head Docent and one of several rotating GOP heads that pop up from the holes in the live “Whack A Righty Mole” attraction. Gimme my mallet! Bam! Bam! Bam!
When all is said and done, a party that has no respect for the People certainly deserves none in return. The GOP has shown nothing but contempt for the President and the Democratic Process as a whole. Meanwhile, the Affordable Care Act remains the law of the land and the exchanges are open for business. See what all the GOP foot stomping is about by visiting HEALTHCARE.GOV. Remember: every time you click, you hit the GOP with the Obamacare stick. Thwap!